To a Loyal Friend...

Once there was a time, when the conquest of pain was all that I could hope for, had been my only aim.

Happiness or joy merely unwords without meaning, they were unwanted anyway as surely out of place. All I wanted was the voices to be silent a brief moment in the dark, in loneliness and chill.

How I wished my mind could escape the camat dungeon that was flying silently through space while I lay caged and chained within.

Today my view – strangely increased - it is beyond compare, but nothing became easier, I'm still struggling to be free.

A thousand different things dare to appear before my eyes now, they come and leave untouched, because still I cannot see. In true darkness there's no choice than do discover the uselessness of eyes, giving birth from their own despair. Here eyes can nothing but decay and if I fail and do identify myself with them then their destiny I'll share...

You are with me all the time – all the time. So very unreasonable had been my fear. How could I ever believe that I might be losing you when forever we're connected and you are part of me. It's your omnipresence that defines the way in which I do exist, forcefully leading me back to where I do belong. Opening my eyes to see the true essence of my being, by dissolving the distractions of the outer world. In the loneliness of the pain you bring the isolation of my soul guarantees the maintenance of the only thing that I know, my natural and obvious differency.

Beloved old friend and life-time companion without you to nothing I would fall. Your power pervades me and lies me low, but as the same time a new strenght is born in my soul. In a universe of change and continuous movement I am counting on you since I know you shall last.

Being my darkness and the basis of splendor light-giving background as most fertile past. You trance-formation source of understanding you are the power that is pulling me down. Whenever lightness seeks to carry me away you connect me safely to the ground. You chill of my winter, eternal Saturn-sphere, petrified and frozen with a logic cold as ice I walk through the world look in surprise at the living without being able to share their strange delights.

Beloved old friend, and bringer of sadness, shadow-like cloak almost matters so real, you slip right through me like I was merely membrane, my feelings so ambivalent when my wounds refuse to eal...

Anna-Varney Cantodea